


Mirror, Mirror

by hedonistvenus (seafoamvenus)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Polyamory, Self-Esteem Issues, body neutrality instead of positivity, tw for body dysmorphia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29787903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seafoamvenus/pseuds/hedonistvenus
Summary: Kuroo stared at his reflection. His reflection stared back.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi, Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	Mirror, Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> am i projecting onto hq characters again? yes, yes i am. i simply cannot help it

Kuroo stared at his reflection. His reflection stared back.

He poked at his face and tested the elasticity of his cheeks. He checked for acne, and he pulled at the bags under his eyes, trying to imagine what he would look like if he had gotten enough sleep and hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night to meet with his mirror again.

He was too tall, too long and lanky. He looked inhuman, like something stolen from one of Kenma’s horror games that nobody wanted to look at. His wrists jutted out too sharply, and while Kuroo had never liked himself much, he found himself loathing his reflection more and more each time he saw himself.

He looked wrong, and it was only a matter of time until someone else noticed— until one of his classmates looked at him for just a moment too long, and it clicked for them, and they finally realized how disgusting he truly looked.

Kuroo pressed his hands to his eyes with a defeated sigh, and walked back to his bed. He pulled the sheets over his face and he stayed like that until he fell asleep, finally able to forget just how much space he took up, and just how much sugar was in the sports drink he liked to buy after practice.

And then in the morning, he woke up to heavy footsteps coming down the hall.

There was the sound of a key in the door to his dorm, and—  _ shit—  _ he had completely forgotten that Bokuto was coming over. They were supposed to hang out and meet up with Daichi, and go to the theater to see some new movie Bokuto was excited about. Kuroo’s stomach dropped at the sheer thought of it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his partners, it was that he didn’t want to be  _ seen. _

Bokuto pushed the door open and walked into the room— his scarf wrapped around the bottom half of his face, and his puffy winter coat zipped all the way to the top. “Hey, you’re still in bed,” he pointed out, as if Kuroo wasn’t aware of the fact. He walked over to rest a hand on Kuroo's forehead. “You’re not sick or anything, are you? Cause you feel really warm right now.”

Kuroo mumbled into his bedsheets as he spoke. “I’m fine. Your hands are just cold from outside.”

“Oh, I guess you’re right.” Bokuto took another look at Kuroo before moving aside to take off his outerwear. “You’re sure you’re feeling okay? You can tell me if you’re not.”

Kuroo closed in on himself. He was making Bokuto worried, all because he couldn’t bother to get up. “I don’t want to go anywhere today. Sorry.”

Bokuto hummed and sat down at the edge of the bed. “That’s okay. We can just have a cuddle date instead.”

Kuroo looked at him. “You just want to use me as a heater.

He laughed, smiling brightly. “Maybe, but I mostly just want to hug you a lot,” he said, and Kuroo lifted up the blankets to let Bokuto into bed with him. He got under the covers and sat against the headboard, pulling Kuroo up to sit in between his legs.

Kuroo sighed warmly and got comfortable, leaning against Bokuto. Maybe today wouldn’t be as horrible as he initially thought it would be.

* * *

Kuroo sat in the library with his earbuds in. He was cramming for his physics test later this week, and while he knew the content, he didn’t  _ know _ it. He didn’t know enough to earn a hundred percent from his professor, which meant that he pretty much didn’t know it at all.

Someone pulled up a chair next to him, and without looking away from his notes— in his peripheral vision— he could see that it was Daichi. He sat with his arms folded over his chest, waiting, and Kuroo finished copying down one last formula before looking up at him.

“You need to take a break.”

Kuroo propped his head up on his hand and flashed an impish grin. “What? Don’t tell me you’re worried about me. You think I’m gonna get a papercut?”

Daichi fixed him with a glare. “Tetsurou,” he said seriously, and Kuroo nearly shivered from hearing his given name. “You’ve been in here for hours.”

“I’m almost done,” he tried.

“Then it won’t hurt if you break for dinner,” Daichi pointed out.

Kuroo sighed heavily. “Babe, I  _ really _ need to get this done. Just go down without me, and I’ll meet up with you.”

“Alright…” Daichi sighed and hesitated as he stood up from his seat. He reached out and messed up Kuroo’s hair affectionately before letting his hand linger on his head. “Just don’t overwork yourself,” he said, and then he took his leave, leaving Kuroo alone with his thoughts.

Kuroo stretched his fingers out in preparation to get back to his work. He checked his phone for the time, but before he could even remember to look away, he was hyperfocusing on his background. It was a picture of all three of them— Bokuto beautiful and lit up in mid laugh, while Kuroo and Daichi kissed him on each cheek. Kuroo used to think it was cute. He used to be blind to all of his flaws— the way his eyes scrunched up so terribly, and how uneven his oily skin was, and— 

God, it was a miracle that they hadn’t dumped him for someone better yet.

* * *

One of Bokuto’s classmates was throwing a party off campus tonight, and Kuroo still wasn’t entirely sure why he had agreed to go. It was a lapse in judgement. He didn’t want to be around anyone— didn’t want to force himself to have a good time when he was fully aware of how disgusting he looked.

Kuroo stood at his dresser, and he forced himself to stop scowling as Daichi walked into the room. He managed a small smile at him.

Daichi looked at him strangely, almost as if he could see right through him. “You’re not dressed yet?”

Kuroo shrugged. “Can’t figure out what to put on.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re gonna look good no matter what,” Daichi said. He walked up behind Kuroo and rested a hand on his hip, leaning in to press a kiss behind his ear— but Kuroo pulled away. Daichi immediately stepped back to give him some space. “What’s wrong?”

Kuroo shook his head and grabbed the hoodie off of his bed, shrugging it on and zipping it all the way to the top. “Nothing,” he said, absolutely not wanting to talk about this. He didn’t want Daichi to know— didn’t want him to realize what he truly looked like.

The door to the dorm pushed open, and then Bokuto was walking into the room— gorgeous and looking like a dream, as he always did. He noticed the two of them at a stand-off, and his eyes immediately went wide with worry. “What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

Daichi sighed and turned to Bokuto, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve noticed it too, right? Tetsu’s been acting strange lately.”

Bokuto hummed in thought. “Yeah… kinda,” he said, and Kuroo fell back to sit on the edge of his bed, dropping his face into his hands. Bokuto looked at him with nothing but concern in his eyes. “Did something happen?”

Kuroo shook his head. “I just don’t feel like going anywhere. It’s not a big deal,” he tried.

“It’s a big deal to us,” Bokuto reassured. He sat down on the bed and wrapped an arm around Kuroo. “Tell us what’s wrong?”

Kuroo groaned and dug his fingertips into his hair. “It’s honestly not a big deal. I’m just overthinking some stuff again.” Daichi and Bokuto patiently waited for him to continue, and he did, “You guys are just…  _ perfect. _ You’re gonna realize that I’m not, and you’re gonna want someone better, and you’ll leave me, and-”

“You don’t think you’re perfect?” Daichi asked seriously, interrupting him.

Kuroo laughed, and the sound was completely devoid of humor. “No, obviously not. Have you seen me?”

Bokuto held onto him tighter. “Yeah, we have. You’re hot as fuck.”

A heavy weight settled in Kuroo’s chest. “Thanks,” he sighed, and Daichi’s expression softened just the slightest. He was realizing something, and it made Kuroo’s stomach twist.

“It’s deeper than that, isn’t it?”

Kuroo bit his lip and nodded. “I’m disgusting,” he admitted, his voice soft and terrified. This was so much more than not feeling attractive. “Last time I looked in the mirror, I ended up standing there for twenty minutes, just  _ staring _ and  _ hating everything.” _

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Daichi said firmly. He crouched down in front of Kuroo and pulled his hands away to look him in the eye. “I’m looking at you right now, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re the only one who thinks that.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts. This has been messing with your head too much to let it go unsaid. There’s nothing wrong with you, and even if there was, that wouldn’t change anything. We love you,” Daichi reassured, leaving no room for debate in his words. He wasn’t messing around anymore.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo softly. “Can you tell us what you don’t like about yourself?”

Kuroo grimaced in response to his request. “Do I have to? It’s kind of a long list, and I’m not trying to bore you to sleep,” he said, and Daichi shook his head.

“You’re deflecting.”

Kuroo groaned and bit anxiously at his lip. “I’m too lanky,” he admitted.

“You’re tall,” Daichi corrected. “You’re literally the same height as Kou, give or take a few centimeters.”

Kuroo stretched out his fingers and rested them on his thighs so his boyfriends could see. “My hands look weird.”

“You only think that because you broke your thumb last year,” Bokuto pointed out.

Daichi nodded in agreement. “You broke your thumb and it healed the best it could,” he reiterated. “Your body’s doing the best it can. It’s not fair for you to beat it down like this. You’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Kuroo repeated, trying to force himself to believe the words.

“Exactly, and once you realize that there’s  _ nothing wrong with you, _ then we can work on getting you to love yourself,” Daichi said, getting off the floor to sit on Kuroo’s other side. “But until we get to that point, Kou and I can pick up the slack, okay?”

Kuroo took in a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1) just wanted to say that body positivity doesn’t always work well for everyone, but body neutrality does. your body is a body and everyone has those. your body is trying its best so please be nice to it  
> 2) thank you for reading <3 pls comment your thoughts so i can know what you think <3<3<3


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